he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
