you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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