i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
