He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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