he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
