Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You took a bar mat shot.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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