and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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