your thong is hanging out like whoa
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
