I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
