i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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