ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I need to sanitize my soul.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
