my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Never underestimate the power of titties
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