Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
