I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
