There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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