I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
