I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
