she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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