so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
