so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
