New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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