my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
