This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
