the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
