After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Can Purell be used as lube?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
