dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
