Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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