can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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