You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
