Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
