I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
