I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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