Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
