Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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