sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
is that a dick in a sweater?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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