I molested 6 butterflies tonight
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
