operation harelip BJ is a go
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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