Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
