she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
