i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
