And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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