Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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