I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
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Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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