Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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