:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
