Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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