then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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