so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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