I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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