is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
