you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
