Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
