i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The beer is more important than you right now.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
