Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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