she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
