Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
