i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think my moral compass just broke
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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