ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
