Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
