Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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