i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
