I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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