i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
