You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
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Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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