Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
