I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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