So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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