yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
