And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
