You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
