I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
