it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
