I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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