dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i barfeds in our rink
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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