Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
