She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
