So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
