god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
