so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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