she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
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Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
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The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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