Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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