it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
