and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
