If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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